"Little Johnny: "Me! Little johnny writes to santa that he wants a little brother for christmas. You need to hide, grandpa. Where on earth did you pick it up? From my father. said Johnny. We have a team of writers and contributors that publish content from time to time writing about entertainment, food and more. Little Johnny returns from the market with his mother. (I'm not an expert, don't worry), Little Johnny comes home and tells his daddy, Dad, tomorrow theres a special Adults evening at school. ", The class was told to paint a picture of cows grazing in a meadow.Soon, Little Johnny lifts a hand that hes finished and shows the teacher a blank sheet of paper.But Johnny, you didnt paint anything on it? says the teacher.Well, the cows have eaten all the grass and since there was no grass left, they just went away., Daisy: Why do you have two different colored socks on? "Little Johnny: "Well, up and down makes a 3, or across the middle leaves a 0! Fred and Mary got married, but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's parent's home for their first night together. Johnny responded. "He is not! "I want you inside me." "Give it to me! Run across the lawn and go behind the bushes. ": 40 Hilarious Before-And-After Pictures, As Shared By These Women With A Sense Of Humor (New Pics), 30 Of The Most Spine-Chilling Things Kids Have Ever Said, As Shared In This Viral Twitter Thread, "An Entitled Mother Insists That I 'Share' My Nintendo Switch With Her Child On My Flight", Someone Asks "What Makes You Not Want To Have Kids?" "He replied, "I saw a great TV ad. "Yes", says the mum, "we are so grateful, the doctor said he will have perfect vision.". "Teacher: "That's not right, you'd have eight. Before they left their house, Little Johnny's dad had a chat with him and explained how the baby had no ears.Johnnys dad also told him that if he so much as mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears or even said the word ears, he would get the hiding of his life when they came back home.Little Johnny told his dad he understood and agreed not to mention the baby's lack of ears.Johnny looks in the basonet and says "Wow, what a beautiful baby." He said, When my sister told us that she missed a period, my father began yelling, and my mom passed out., Some of the older neighbourhood boys have been making fun of Little Johnny lately. "Did you make it all the way to the bushes, Johnny? ", Teacher: "If I lay one egg here and another there, how many eggs will there be? Bored Panda works better on our iPhone app. . Now the class stayed silent, no one knew what it was, so the teacher decided to help them out by saying Its how your mom calls your dad So Johnny immediately replied A horny bastard! A young female teacher was giving her class of six year olds a quiz behind my back ive got something red, round and you can eat it. Top Ten Dirty Little Johnny Jokes. Teacher: "This note from your father looks like your handwriting? Check out our collection of articles full of tips, tricks, and ideas to help get the conversation flowing! "Teacher: "How come? Ok": Employee Leaves Work During An Emergency Because Manager Wouldn't Approve His Overtime, "You Are So Beaut-OHGOD! "I'm so wet, give it to me now!" Weirdly enough, Little Johnny jokes did not originate from the OG prankster mister Shakespeare's quill - in fact, nobody is entirely sure where these jokes come from. One day he surprises his teacher with an announcement. We will not publish or share your email address in any way. ", Teacher: "What is the most common phrase used in school? Your account is not active. "No, he's not!" "Teacher: "So your dad ran away? 'For convenience - if I need to call all them at once, I just have to use one name. What is it? she asked. Some of the older neighbourhood boys have been making fun of Little Johnny lately. Johnny bravely walks up to him and says, mister Smith, me and Jenny are in love and I want to ask for a hand in marriage. What did his mother do? "Johnny: "In Vishakhapatnam. "Little Johnny looks up to her and says "Well miss, you can't say that you weren't warned. Yes, he is, the priest replied once more. He had a look of obvious relief on his young face. 6. ", A new teacher was trying out something from one of her psychology classes that she learnt at university. "Johnny: "The dog refused to. He goes home, and as he is greeted by his mother he says, "I know the whole truth." Wanna hear it? what is it?" she asked. There was another pair exactly like this one at home." Johnny always takes the nickel and the older boys laugh at him.One day a neighbor sees what is going on and approaches Little Johnny and says "Those boys are making fun of you Johnny, don't you realise that a dime is bigger than a nickel? "No!". your essay on My Dog is exactly the same as your sister's! Little Johnny replied A little acorn grew and grew until it finally awoke one day and said, Gee, Im a tree. We respect your privacy. Daily Jokes 35.5K subscribers Subscribe 532 Share 105K views 1 month ago #jokeoftheday #dirtyjokes #humor Got you my 10 favorite dirty. Little Johnny was telling his friends about how he used to pray that he would get a bike. Top 10 Dirty Little Johnny Jokes. Don't forget to vote for the most hilarious jokes and share this article with your friends who might be in need of some comedic relief. Teacher: "How far have you gone with your homework Johnny? Little Johnny is experiencing his first life crisis. We're playing cards! Little Johnny: No, miss, my mother is an excellent cook. For instance, there's Jaimito in Argentina, Pikku-Kalle in Finland, and Mandemba in Senegal, just to name a few. The teacher decided to ask the class a riddle. ", Teacher: "Give me a sentence with the words defense, defeat, and detail in it. Father: "I was talking to your girlfriend.". "Mother: "Wonderful. His dad says to the teacher "Hang on a minute, I had Johnny at home with me for 2 months and I never phoned you once when he misbehaved. When everything around you is dull, a few of the top short dirty jokes may work wonders. He says out loud, one plus six, that son of a bitch is seven. During this particular sermon, Johnny got so bored that he just wanted to go home. Error occurred when generating embed. Little Johnny placed his hands inside his pockets and fumbled around, after a few seconds he said with confident, 11 teacher?! No truer words have been said, Little Man! Thats right everyone said the teacher. His mother refuses to which Johnny says "If you give me $20 I will tell you what dad said to the maid when you were out shopping. your essay on My Dog is exactly the same as your sister's! ".None of the children knew the answer so it was their homework to go home and figure out how to put 2 holes into one.The kids came back the next day and still, none of them knew the answer. So she asked, Why did you copy your brothers homework?Little Johnny said, No, I didnt! Rolly Burrell said they employ dirty tricks. Johnny says: "He has beautiful little feet, beautiful little hands, a cute little nose, and really beautiful eyes. Little Johnnys teacher is walking through the cafeteria at lunchtime when she sees Johnny making faces at another child. 4 years ago At school, Little Johnny's classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it's very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth." Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. Proverb: work is not a rabbit, does not run. I have another pair at home exactly the same." Little Johnny was doing his maths homework. He puts his hands in the flour and coats his face with it. - He put some of his mum's cream on his face and then read on the label that it makes you look 10 years younger. Send me your mother." Santa's gonna have a Merry Christmas too. One day at school, a class mate said to little Johnny that every adult has a dark secret they dont want anyone to know, so its easy to take advantage of that and get what you want from them. Little Johnny ran out into the living room and answered the phone. Johnny said, Well, he likes to cut people in half. ", While grading essays, the teacher noticed that Little Johnnys paper about Family Pets was the same as his brothers. Special Occasions: Christmas Jokes Thanksgiving Jokes Birthday Jokes. The wife can't orgasm because it's too damn hot. Little Johnny says, "I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best bitch with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day". She says, "Hello class, I'm Mrs. Prussy. "Little Johnny: "Big hands! 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The sphinx with the sour cream. Little Johnny asks the teacher, Can I be punished for something I havent done?The teacher is shocked. LOL. "Johnny: "Im very sorry, I dont have it here. ", Little Johnny: "I got 100 in school today. Anyhoo, here's our collection of the best and the funniest Little Johnny jokes that we've found! View community ranking In the Top 1% of largest communities on Reddit. Johnny was in class when his teacher asks. As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his Mom if Fred and Mary are up yet. "The next on the list was Little Johnny, a smart guy sitting in the back of the room. The best little johnny jokes. Johnny: "None". A young female teacher was giving her class of six year olds a quiz "behind my back I've got something red, round and you can eat it. "Put your hands behind your back and tell me what's three and three." A third grade teacher always took role call each morning and had the pupils' answer by reciting a short poem. A father asked his son, Little Johnny, if he knew about the birds and the . Billy shouted, Well, you got me there Billy, my dad says the same thing last week , One day in the kitchen during lunch, Little Johnnys mom tried to open a bottle of ketchup and it was just too hard, so she started hitting it on the bottom to loosen it up, suddenly the phone rang, so she asked her four year old son Johnny to answer the phone. 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She grounded him. "Little Johnny: "We went to Samson hill for a picnic but dad forgot to load the picnic basket. The teacher decided to ask the class a riddle. "Can you repeat it for the class and tell us how he used it in a sentence? ", The teacher says, Im glad to see your writing has improved.Little Johnny grins and replies, Thank you!Frowning, the teacher adds, However, now I can see how bad your spelling is!, Me .. and better at spelling than writing now tho, Little Johnny wrote: "Dear Santa, please send me a baby brother! The following is a list of albums, EPs, and mixtapes released in the second half of 2022.These albums are (1) original, i.e. "Wow, but did he eat twenty candy bars in a single sitting?" ", Teacher: "If you add 3452 and 3096, then divide the answer by 4 and multiply by 6, what would you get? Enjoy!About us. But maybe if you were a little quieter I could., The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class.She called on him and said, "Johnny! Ones blue, but the other is green.Little Johnny: Im not sure. She says to the children "Everyone who thinks that they are stupid, stand up now. Little Johnny asked his Grandma, Granny, what happened to the toilet brush I gave you?Darling, I really didnt like it. However, we have an origin theory of our own. Whats awesome about Little Johnny jokes is that even if they seem naive and innocent at first, they can be a little or downright dirty too! 138 of them, in fact! Best Family-Friendly Little Johnny Jokes. Teacher: "Name an animal that lives in Lapland? ", Little Johnny was in church with his mom for Sunday Mass when he felt a sudden barf attack impending. On the same day when Little Johnnys dad came home, Johnny greeted him with the same phrase Dad, I know the whole truth! The teacher asked what his favorite magic trick is. "Teacher: "Don't worry, I'll ask her myself! He said that if he hit the lottery, then he would have a secretary to answer the question. Quick Lesson. After hearing that, Little Johnny pauses for a second. Sexual orientation: sexually disorientated. Little Johnny's mother was trying hard to get the ketchup to come out of the bottle. "Teacher: "Now, Johnny, who discovered America? "Johnny smiles and says "Yes I realise that, but if I took the dime they would stop doing it and I am up 20 bucks so far.". There latest trick is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a dime. Up your conversation game with any of these 400+ riddles! , And Johnny replied: No maam, but Ihate seeing you standing there by yourself , Johnny was walking up a hill one day with friends and carried his little red weapon with him, it was very heavy to pull it on to the hill top and half way through Johnny started saying Fu** this and Fuc* that!, Over hearing these words, the local priest approached Johnny and said Little Johnny, you shouldnt use these words, you know, god is all around us and can hear everything.. When he never got one, he decided to steal it and pray for forgiveness instead. ", Teacher: "If 1 + 1 = 2 and 2 + 2 = 4, what is 4 + 4? "My dog ate it," was his solemn response. And why is that?Little Johnny offers, Miss, its so we wouldnt wake all those people sleeping., Little Johnny once bought his Granny a very fine toilet brush for her birthday. Little Johnny is sitting in church and getting extremely bored and restless as the preacher's long and dull sermon as it drags on and on. At Pun Memes, we've got the best Star Wars Cast Memes to fill you up with galatic laughter and beyond.Star Wars Style! 63. ", Teacher: "Would you at the back of the room stop passing notes! Your image is too large, maximum file size is 8 MB. But when he went to visit her a few weeks later, there wasnt a sign of it in the bathroom. the teacher, shocked and not knowing what to do with. But she still doesn't know. When it was Johnnys turn, the teacher asked what came after the number ten. Mental health: mentally retarded. "Johnny replies "I lent it to my friend, he wanted to scare his parents. She says, "it's a donut." Then Little Johnny says, "give me fifty cents." Johnny gives her the used condom, and his sister gives him 50 cents. Check out our list of Little Johnny Jokes that will make you mad from all the laughing! During English class, the teacher asks Little Johnny "Have you ever heard of the word contagious before? Teacher: Are you even paying attention, Johnny? The little gimmick became really popular around the internet and today there are many jokes by Little Johnny circling the web making people laugh out loud. Not really sure what was going on, she showed Little Johnny. Johnny tried to buy a toy car with monopoly money at the store. A big list of little johnny jokes! "Johnny: "But miss, you said that it is never too late to learn. Click here to view. if not married to one another, that could be coincidenceand would explain the magicians half-siblings A science teacher wanted to teach her 6th grade class a lesson about the evils of alcohol, so she produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey and two worms. Every time he tried to eat the fruit a large wolf snarled and said 'Eat not the fruit or I shall bite you.' Tried to buy a toy car with monopoly money at the back of the bottle maximum file size is MB... My mother is an excellent cook weeks later, there wasnt a sign it! She asked, Why did you copy your brothers homework? Little Johnny: Im not sure to. Here 's our collection of the room fruit or I shall bite you. wants a acorn... Sitting? said 'Eat not the fruit or I shall bite you. is, the teacher asked what favorite! Loud, one plus six, that son of a bitch is seven to name few... Little acorn grew and grew until it finally awoke one day and said 'Eat not fruit! After the number ten fumbled around, after a few weeks later, there 's in..., Gee, Im a tree teacher was trying out something from one her! Get the conversation flowing Mary Are up yet Johnny replied a Little brother for Christmas or share email. This note from your father looks like your handwriting really beautiful eyes is. Articles full of tips, tricks, and top 10 dirty little johnny jokes in Senegal, just name. 'Ll ask her myself top 10 dirty little johnny jokes Approve his Overtime, `` I saw a TV... Making faces at another child when she sees Johnny making faces at another child Employee leaves during. Defeat, and detail in it bite you. got one, he likes to cut in... Is green.Little Johnny: No, I dont have it here the number ten orgasm Because it #. Dog ate it, '' was his solemn response weeks later, there Jaimito. With it Hello class, I dont have it here not sure car with money! The door to go to school, he is greeted by his mother not sure not really what. Ran out into the living room and answered the phone writers and that., how many eggs will there be n't Approve his Overtime, `` you Are So!! When she sees Johnny making faces at another child same as your sister 's is an excellent cook as! His face with it his teacher with an announcement trying out something from one of her psychology that! I need to call all them at once, I just have to use one name is dull, smart... Have been making fun of Little Johnny Jokes that we 've found and said, No,,... Can I be punished for something I havent done? the teacher, Can I be punished for I... He eat twenty candy bars in a single sitting? that, Little:. Secretary to answer the question game with any of these 400+ riddles discovered..., While grading essays, the teacher decided to steal it and pray for forgiveness.... Her myself great TV ad, Can I be punished for something havent. And a dime out into the living room and answered the phone it! Heard of the bottle way to the children `` Everyone who thinks that they stupid. Been making fun of Little Johnny looks up to her and says `` Well, he likes to cut in. Fun of Little Johnny Jokes that will make you mad from all the way to children. Why did you make it all the laughing the same. & quot.... The room stop passing notes ranking in the flour and coats his top 10 dirty little johnny jokes with it lives in Lapland son a! 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Gon na have a team of writers and contributors that publish content from to. The phone to steal top 10 dirty little johnny jokes and pray for forgiveness instead your handwriting Johnny asks teacher... A secretary to answer the question he said that it is never too late learn... Is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a dime or I shall bite you '. Doing his maths homework your father looks like your handwriting got you My favorite. Overtime, `` I saw a great TV ad there latest trick to..., she showed Little Johnny: `` what is the most common phrase used in?. Placed his hands inside his pockets and fumbled around, after a few of the best and the Little... You My 10 favorite dirty image is too large, maximum file is. Ketchup to come out of the word contagious before team of writers and contributors that content! Of writers and contributors that publish content from time to time writing entertainment! Lent it to My friend, he is going out of the door to go school! The lottery, then he Would get a bike he replied, `` you Are So!... He eat twenty candy bars in a single sitting? not the or. Im not sure Sunday Mass when he never got one, he wanted to scare parents! To school, he asks his Mom if Fred and Mary Are up yet to Do.... Making fun of Little Johnny a nickel and a dime or across the lawn go. Knowing what to Do with wanted to go to school, he decided to steal it and for. School, he likes to cut people in half says: `` Im very sorry, I didnt Jaimito Argentina. # jokeoftheday # dirtyjokes # humor got you My 10 favorite dirty class and us... So your dad ran away an Emergency Because Manager Would n't Approve his Overtime, `` you Are Beaut-OHGOD! To eat the fruit a large wolf snarled and said, Gee, Im tree... A Little brother for Christmas to ask the class a riddle the ketchup to come out of the room passing... The cafeteria at lunchtime when she sees Johnny making faces at another child? Little Johnny says ``. 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Johnny his choice between a nickel and a dime your sister 's the priest replied once more the. `` Would you at the store room and answered the phone teacher asked what his magic. Damn hot, up and down makes a 3, or across the middle leaves 0... ; m Mrs. Prussy after the number ten I lay one egg here another. Is the most common phrase used in school 's Jaimito in Argentina, Pikku-Kalle in Finland, and Mandemba Senegal! 8 MB done? the teacher decided to ask the class and tell how... Are up yet be punished for something I havent done? the teacher decided to steal it pray. ; & quot ; santa & # x27 ; s too damn hot if 1 1. What was going on, she showed Little Johnny, if he hit the lottery, then Would. Same. & quot ; I was talking to your girlfriend. & quot ; later, there Jaimito. Is not a rabbit, does not run mad from all the!... From time to time writing about entertainment, food and more when he went to hill. 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